Why I (As A Single Guy) Still Love Valentine’s Day
I’m probably about to write some long-winded opus into the mind of a hopeless romantic which could simply boil down to: “because it certainly doesn’t make me feel any better to wallow in hive-minded misery”.
To understand where I’m coming from as I write this here’s a little background on me. Plain and simply, I’m a huge loser around girls. Like, you don’t even understand how awkward/tongue-twistable/shy I get. And as I’m back in the dating scene again (supposedly), I’m more baffled than ever how I’ve EVER managed to have a girlfriend before. In retrospect, I do recall it taking me at least a week to work up the nerve to have “the talk” with my last girlfriend. And that was with the aid of an incredibly supportive friend/wingwoman over enemy lines, bringing me back little details I should know. And on top of all this, I’ve only ever been NOT single for one Valentine’s Day.
Now, I suspect I’m not alone in the woes of dating (or lack thereof) but something I’ve noticed is the expressions of shock and disbelief when people find out I’m actually not dreading Valentine’s Day. The mere thought of being “alone” on the 14th of February absolutely kills people and I can’t, for the life of me, empathise. And here’s why I suspect: that word “alone”. It’s so loaded and carries some of the absolute WORST connotations. But, if I may play semantics-Nazi, it’s the wrong word. What people are most upset about is spending Valentine’s Day single. And they don’t know it.
Now, being single isn’t so bad. Granted, it’s not the way God created people to go through life (emotionally or physically), but it’s really not the worst thing that could happen. Least of all on another day of the year that just happens to have an overpowered man-made skew of an otherwise beautiful thing associated with it. When not wallowing in the societal point-of-view of singleness (i.e. how sucky it is), being single can actually be an incredible opportunity to get to know yourself.
In the million and two years that have passed since my last Chernobyl of a relationship, cheesy as it sounds, my life has totally changed. For one, I figured out why I kept ending up returning to singleness. And immediately following that, I re-evaluated the hierarchy of my goals/wants/needs in a relationship. Was a girlfriend with the most fascinating life story great? Heck yeah, it was. Was it necessary? Could I be happy with someone hadn’t grown up travelling the world? You know what? I could. And so on, and so forth.
I’ve noticed that a lot of my friends around me sometimes have wonderful long-term relationships. They don’t even always end badly. In fact, sometimes they just fizzle away, gracefully. But then they’re never single long enough to look in the rear-view at why they weren’t successful. Instead, they jump back on the bandwagon, as soon as the next offer rolls around and it’s back to lather, rinse and repeat. Not that I even have the fortitude of confidence to be in that situation (I’m a breakup-moper too) but I know for a fact that I don’t want to be in that cycle.
Now here’s where the irony comes in. I’m a hopeless romantic. OH MY GOODNESS, do I love to treat girlfriends like royalty. I suspect that it’s a facet of my insecurity but I also hear that guys who treat their moms well tend to do well with their significant others (and I do love my mom, though not in a Buster Bluth kinda way). Regardless, I’m all about the lovey-dovey. If I can find a girl who will initiate “the talk” (I’ll be fine once we’re into it) and is into the idea of skipping over the nonsense, straight into the hand-holding and Friday night movies (amongst the other aforementioned recently re-evaluated criteria), then I’ll be set. And the hope that there’s someone like that out there is what, not only gets me through V-Day, but looking forward to it.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. - 1 Corinthians 13.4-8a
I don’t care if you’re a Christian, a Muslim, Jewish or what-have-you; THAT is awesome. And I want that. And I know it’s there because I’ve seen it in my parents, my grandparents and even other friends of mine. So when you sit around, scorning those who have found love (or are at least trying), that’s not very loveable behaviour at all and pretty counter-productive to anyone trying to find love themselves. In fact, not being romantically involved doesn’t exclude you from love. Patience, kindness, trust, hope and truth are little things that we can choose to surround ourselves with daily.
So that’s why I, as a single guy, still love Valentine’s Day. Because every day is a good day to love and if everyone can get it together at least one day a year, that gives me hope.
